happiness is a choice.

I’m so tired of being read the riot act from my dad. I know you want me to get a job and believe me, so do I, but there’s nothing out there. And I’ll be DAMNED if I’m going to settle for a minimum wage job at McDonald’s because I didn’t just spend 5 years in college, racking up $35,000 in debt, to land a job that I could’ve had for 5 years without going to college. When I tell you there’s nothing out there, you say “I know.” So then what the fuck do you want me to fucking do? Back off. I don’t need a lecture.

Even though my parents have made my brother and I’s birthday about them, at least I know I can count on my two friends to be there for me and give me a birthday dinner I actually want. I really do love the two of them more than anything in the world.


Believe it or not jake miller, you saved my life. 

Awesome song.


Believe it or not jake miller, you saved my life

Awesome song.

My brother and I’s birthday is on Wednesday and we were planning on going out to lunch with the family since my mom is off that day. My dad flipped out when we told him the plans and he said “I ain’t fucking rushing to eat and then rushing to go to work. Fuck that. We’ll do it on Sunday.” I’m sorry but, this is my birthday. Since when is it “all about dad”? 

I really want my best friend back. I want the guy that I was able to spend hours talking to. The guy that never failed to make me laugh. The guy that when we were done hanging out for the day, he made sure he gave me a hug, even if he was rushing out the door. 

I know I shouldn’t complain but I feel like the more he gets wrapped into his job, the less he wants to be with me or anyone else for that matter. I hate that this thought/feeling runs through me at least once a month. 

But every time a situation like this happens, where he doesn’t call me like he always does and when I call him, he just ignores it, only one thought runs through my head: “When did I become the kid in class that the teacher won’t call on?” I know things will be okay by this afternoon but, it just kind of sucks.

The worst part is that pretty soon, we’re going to have to get two classes prepared since instead of teaching just one class on Thursday nights, he accepted another class on Wednesday nights. I know why he accepted it and I’ll be there to help him out every step of the way, but I know how bad his health is and I know that this past school year, he was dying just from working and then teaching on Thursday nights. I can only imagine how much worse it’s going to be for him working 100 hours a week and teaching two classes.

Thank God July is almost over. With the exception of a few days, this has been a shitty month. 

I’m going to be 23 in a few days and I still can’t do anything without the whole fucking world needing to know. It’s not like I’m never home. I’m always home. I hate it here. 

I am so damned petrified of waking up one morning and finding out that you passed away. I’m so scared that I’m going to get a phone call at 3 am informing me that you had a heart attack and that you’re not going to make it. I see how much pain you’re in and how much sleep you’re not getting and it scares the daylights out of me. I don’t want to lose you. 

Maybe I’m a worry wart. Maybe I’m overprotective. But in case you haven’t noticed, I’m not exactly close to a lot of people. I don’t have a lot of friends, which I’m okay with. But not having a lot of friends means I’m very protective of the ones that I do have. I want to keep you around as long as possible. You might see that as annoying or like I’m just nagging you, but I see it as caring and not wanting anything bad to happen to you. Someday, you’ll thank me and everyone else who nags you.


my favorite part of concerts is when the band plays a song everyone knows so everyone’s singing along all out of tune but then the singer stops singing and they point the mic at the crowd and u just hear everyone in the crowd singing the words to the music and u see the smiles on the band members’ faces bc they know people care about their music and everyone’s just so happy who cares about anything else

Even just being a part of a crowd that is singing along is the coolest feeling ever. When I went to see Maroon 5 and Kelly Clarkson last summer, the entire crowd was singing along to almost every Kelly song and all of the newer Maroon 5 songs. When Kelly sang ‘Break Away’, she stopped singing at the end and let the crowd end the song. Coolest feeling. That’s why I want to be a musician so bad. I want that awesome interaction with the fans and the adrenaline rush that comes with knowing that people out there care about what you do, they love you for it, and they want you to keep doing it.

(via hellloimlacey)